Revising the Axolotl

Apprehension and Gratitude

Hello!

Earlier, I mentioned that I am nearing completion on my memoir, An Unremarkable Woman. Over the course of many months, I have reworked and edited my manuscript to the point where I no longer see words on the page. Instead, I see snakes, lizards, and axolotls roaming a topography built of letters. Playful, but not helpful for revision. As such, I did the thing one is supposed to do and sent my manuscript to a trusted developmental editor for feedback.

This past Friday I received her edits. I am grateful to her. Really, I am. She is supportive with a keen eye. And yet, the stream of comment boxes with her initials rising in red-ringed bubbles brought me to a place of frozen panic. In attempting to “protect,” the brain often misleads, planting seeds of self-doubt. The word “imposter” ricochets off the cranium. It took a day to regroup, to allow insecurity to tire itself out, to become the relative that overstays its welcome. It is time to get to work.

To revise is to re-examine, to make alterations. It sounds straight forward. However, I have learned that the addition of even a single sentence can throw off the flow, the sound of a paragraph, tip the balance, raze the structure. Like my 1920s home, a single repair is tethered to another, and then another - to the failing lathe and plaster, the kitchen too small to fit a modern refrigerator, the knob and tube wiring that makes the electrician’s face compact and crumple. There is no small fix, every word is connected to the next.

Revision is distillation, taking what is unwieldy and refining it to its essence; the unnecessary, the garbled, the ad nauseum, the ill-advised, the ho-hum, extracted and tossed to the floor. This is my task, to distill scenes into their most potent form.

During this time, I would love to hear from you. What are your thoughts on my piece “Daydream.” When you were a girl and imagined your future did you see yourself as you are today? What was lost? What was gained? Did being a woman, a wife, or a mother alter your trajectory? Have you felt “punished” as a woman for performing outside of society’s expectations? Have you felt the simplification, the constriction of self, of womanhood? What would a complex, muti-faceted womanhood look like?

If you are comfortable sharing, I would love to hear from you. Through the telling of our stories, we break the silence shrouding women. Our personal narratives allow us to unpack what it means to be a woman and to create a complex and multitudinous definition of womanhood.

One bit of housekeeping, you will need a Substack account to post comments. To create a free account, enter a username and password.

I look forward to hearing from you! Have a restful and joyful holiday.